He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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