i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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