I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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