Porn is love you can see.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
