So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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