you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
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I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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