you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
