She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Don't EVER smell your tampon
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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