He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
