look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
