First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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