I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
