i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
