Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
