I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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