I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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