the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
