The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
