he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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