I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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