Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
