How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
