Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
