Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
