I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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