I just cut my nipple shaving
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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