dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
