R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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