apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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