your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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