am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
