She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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