i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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