well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
