he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
