My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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