Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
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