Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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