quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
