According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
