So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize