even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
