Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
He has the fingertips of a God
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