Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
