Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
