We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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