I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
