my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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