The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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