I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
