Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
