This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
