Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
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She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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