Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
