you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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