I feel great
I just peed on a car
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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