Me. At least after what I've been through.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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