how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
