Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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