My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
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We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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