I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
