Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
