I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
