his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's the barista slut.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
