Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
