how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
