Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
