i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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