he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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